top ten remixed boners of 2009

As promised, here are the top ten remixed boners of 2009. Some old-school readers might be aghast at the dearth of deep house and techno fare, but if it isn't already evident, I kind of lost touch with a bit of that scene this year, mostly because I was poor and the whole vinyl-purity thing makes releases hard to buy when one's broke. But! The best album boners of the year will not disappoint, as the trend this year seems to suggest more quality house and techno albums are the new thang.

Without further ado...



1. Pictureplane "New Mind (Teengirl Fantasy Wide Open Edit)"

The Teengirl boys get two number ones in a row, but only because this remix (it isn't an edit, IMHO) just opens up Pictureplane's original in such a lush, delay-ridden way that it emerges more dubby, housey, and jackin' all in one fell swoop. Not to knock the original, which is a masterpiece of frenetic, early-'90s synth energy with a lovely stutter.

Pictureplane- New Mind (Teengirl Fantasy Wide Open Edit)




2. Rustie "Keesha Resmak"

Though it appeared on his Myspace only a few weeks ago, grime/dubstep wizard Rustie's unofficial remix of Keyshia Cole's "Shoulda Let You Go" is just so disgustingly good, it raises his game to new heights. As I said to one of my editors at XLR8R, "If all of this shit coming out of the UK had soulful female vocals over it, I'd be the happiest faggot in the world." And girl can really sing, which is no surprise since she's from Oakland. Seriously, this is a MAJOR JAM and will force people to get down.

Rustie- Keesha Resmak



3. Glasser "Apply (Lemonade Remix)"

The boys of Lemonade really outdid themselves here, taking the gorgeous vocals of Cameron Mesirow's original and laying them over what could be called a tropical dubstep beat, making the already-danceable original into something a DJ could lay on a floor during an early club set. Did I mention that Mesirow's vocals are just unbelievably gorgeous?

Glasser- Apply (Lemonade Remix)




4. Djuma Soundsystem "Bipolar (dOP Morning Remix)"

Take a rote tech-house track that sounds like a Booka out-take and give it to the boys of dOP and they're sure to mine some gold out of it. Adding super-processed vocals, delaying bits of the original's percussive flourishes, and building to an insane peak that I would LOVE to hear late night at a club sometime, this is certainly my favorite tech-house remix of 2009.

Djuma Soundsystem- Bipolar (dOP Morning Remix)




5. Omar ft. Stevie Wonder "I'm Feeling You (Henrik Schwarz Remix)"

Another unofficial remix that hasn't even seen release, as far as I know. A mastermind of remixes, Schwarz literally takes the original of this track and fucks it up so hard that all that's left are the soulful vocal intonations of Omar and Stevie. Nothing else remains, and quite honestly, this is a great thing.

Omar ft. Stevie Wonder- I'm Feeling You (Henrik Schwarz Remix)





6. Monika Kruse "Don't Come Close (Mark Broom Remix)"

It's a bit weird how much I like Monika Kruse, given that she's been doing the same sort of thing since the late '90s. Nevertheless, Mark Broom's remix of "Don't Come Close" darkens the original's tonal color, adds some excellent pans, and most certainly crafts a more tense peak, which explains why this piece was on all the Euro club floors this past summer.

Monika Kruse- Don't Come Close (Mark Broom Remix)



7. Hunx & His Punx "Dontcha Want Me Back (Teengirl Fantasy RIP NRG Remix)"

A work of gay house wizardry. Love everyone involved here, love this track, and despite my comments a few months back, really miss NRG.

Hunx & His Punx- Dontcha Want Me Back (Teengirl Fantasy RIP NRG Remix)



8. Codebreaker "Follow Me (The Juan Maclean Remix)"

This is the transformation of an Azoto-like Italo-disco number into a Chicago house track, replete with lovely piano flourishes and stretches of acid squelch. A summer jam if there ever was one, I can honestly say that The Juan Maclean are one of my favorite groups around, and I can only hope that everything fares better for them in the new year.

Codebreaker- Follow Me (The Juan Maclean Remix)




9. Toecutter "Best Party Ever (Flight Facilities Remix)"

As I wrote at XLR8R.com in September: Australia's Toecutter incorporates a Kool And The Gang sample into a filter-house track par excellence, then Flight Facilities reverse the process, using the original source material and pumping it up into a beardo-disco number that actually improves on Kool & The Gang's "Tonight," a near-impossible feat. Essentially, Flight Facilities just take out the stupid, stupid verses, and make this track all about the AWESOME SAX SOLO and the earworm of a chorus. Fuck yeah.

Toecutter- Best Party Ever (Flight Facilities Remix)




10. Tortoise "Gigantes Version (Mark Ernestus Remix)"

The Basic Channel member dubs out the best track from Tortoise's last album, adding subsonic bass, weird claps, and a foreboding sense of impending doom that the original just doesn't contain. Though I do like the remix that Eye (from Boredoms) did of a different Tortoise track, I find this one to be a lot more subtle in its slight tweaks of the original.

Tortoise- Gigantes Version (Mark Ernestus Remix)


FUCK YEAH. Coming at you on the 24th are the FULL-LENGTH BONERS OF 2009. WATCH YOUR EYES, GIRLFRIEND!!!

top fourteen music boners of 2009

After a break in year-end lists in 2008, I am happy to present my top fourteen music boners of 2009. These are all singles (or singles culled from larger works) that appeared high on my iTunes Most Played list, or simply those I consider the most interesting music of the year. Some, if not most, have mp3s attached, except in cases where it seems a bit superfluous. So, on with it, and remember to SUPPORT THESE ARTISTS.



1. Teengirl Fantasy "Love Don't Live Here" (Dick Move)

I know, Logan and Nick from Teengirl Fantasy are good friends of mine, so it might seem a bit unfair to name this the track of the year. But you know what? Fuck being fair. This is the most played song on my iTunes, the most spun 12" from the past few months on my decks, and genuinely the piece that gets stuck in my head the most. From their first official show in Oberlin (which was awesome, by the way) to insane European tours and mentions in BUTT magazine (among others), these boys got it going on.

Teengirl Fantasy- Love Don't Live Here



2. All Leather "I Don't Hate Fags, God Does" (Dim Mak)

I posted the video of this track a while back. For some reason, I totally adore this band, and though people have laughed at me for it, I'm not really one to care that much. The lyrics (after a bit of deciphering) are totally bizarre, transgressive, sexy, anti-capitalist rants. And there's so much bile in Justin Pearson's screaming that listening to All Leather is sort of like someone throwing up in your ears. In a good way.

All Leather- I Don't Hate Fags, God Does



3. Ancient Methods "Else (Ugandan Methods Mix)" (Ancient Methods)

Another weird one. Intense, stripped-down techno with an industrial bent that just fucking slams. If you're ever up at six in the morning and want to stay awake, just turn off all of the lights and play this polyrhythmic, raw-as-hell filth until your ears bleed.

Ancient Methods- Else (Ugandan Methods Mix)



4. Culoe De Song "African Subway" (Innervisions)

The tech-house wunderkind of the year, Culoe De Song's first EP actually lived up to the hype. However, "African Subway" was pushed aside by "The Bright Forest," which seems a bit cloth-eared to me since this piece is more interesting rhythmically and melodically, as well as being infinitely more anthemic.

Culoe De Song- African Subway



5. Lusine "Two Dots" (Ghostly International)

If you aren't singing along with this track by its mid-point, there's something wrong with you.

Lusine- Two Dots



6. Jackpot "Night Flight" (Rvng)

The Scandinavians continued to bring the disco insanity this year, and this piece by Jackpot sounds like it could have come out of the golden age of Italo. All that it needs now are some ridiculous lyrics, and you'd have the perfect throwback, replete with bouncing bass and lush synth groovage.

Jackpot- Night Flight



7. Azari & III "She's An Illusion" (I'm A Cliche)

Another Italo-inspired piece that also has some serious debts to pay to Detroit. Though "Reckless With Your Love" and "Hungry for the Power" are a bit more my style of well-produced gay diva house, something about "She's An Illusion" is really special.

Azari & III- She's An Illusion



8. Girls "Lust for Life" (True Panther)

As I type this, I'm in an airplane 37,000 feet over Colorado. I'm listening to this song, and I already want to insist that they turn the plane back because leaving the Bay Area is something that feels good in theory, but in practice, kind of sucks shit (in the bad kind of way). This song IS California, as far as I'm concerned, and I can't wait to get back so I can cruise around Oakland on my bike blasting this like I have during the past few months. Check the NSFW video below, featuring a cast of Bay Area miscreant homos and gender-fucks, including Hunx and Alexis from SORE.







9. Hunx & His Punx "Hey Rocky" (True Panther)

True Panther is the best new(ish) label in the states, duh, and though the original single of this track came out in 2008 (I believe— correct me if I'm wrong), it is still the best track from the Gay Singles album: catchy, fun, hip-shaking, and sexy in that cute-boy-you-smile-at-on-the-BART kind of way.

Hunx & His Punx- Hey Rocky



10. Sugar & Gold "Slice Me Nice" (Antenna Farm)

Not an original, so maybe it shouldn't be on here, but it is so catchy and so much gayer than the original that I sort of fell in love with it. With a fuller, brighter sound, along with vocals that are considerably less creepy than those of schlag-crooner Manfred Alois Perilano, the track actually makes the connection between cake and sex work quite well. Hungry guys eating pies, ha.

Sugar & Gold- Slice Me Nice



11. dOP "Horny" (Eklo)

These guys are the best thing that happened to techno in the past five years. Live instrumentation, jazzy arrangements, great rhythmic energy, and a lyric playfulness that just kicks the shit out of most other dance music out there. I gave this track to my girl Alie, and a week later she texted me like, "HOLY SHIT "HORNY" IS THE KILLER SHIT." And I was like, "DAMN RIGHT. LISTEN TO DAT SHIT WHEN YR FUMBLING WITH HER BRA, GIRL."

dOP- Horny



12. Electrik Red "We Fuck You" (Def Jam)

It's confusing to me that Electrik Red haven't caught on with anyone except journalists and faggots (LOL big dif right) in the US. "We Fuck You" is like the sonic equivalent of this hot bitch in heels kicking the drunk, sexist Tucker Max clone so hard in the balls that he wishes he'd never been born. Only Tricky and The-Dream could have helped these ladies pull this shit off so well. (Because I'm scared as fuck of Def Jam, just peep the vid below).






13. Nima Gorji "Hopp Hopp" (Murmur

I'm a sucker for ethnic vocal samples in techno tracks. The fact that the peeps repped here are the Romany nomads of Europe and not the usual (though still awesome) South American street kids or African shamans makes it all the more interesting.'

Nima Gorji- Hopp Hopp



14. Bookworms "African Rhythms" (Solos)

People in real life and on the internet keep on talking about this track, and how it should be released on vinyl, and how it is just so effing deep. And yeah, it is. I never want it to end.

Bookworms- African Rhythms

So party through the new year with all this biz. It was a great year, and I'm hoping that excellent stuff just keeps coming!! Stay tuned for the 10 best remixed music boners of the year, cumming at ya on Monday.

perfect

there is enough treachery, hatred violence absurdity in the average
human being to supply any given army on any given day

and the best at murder are those who preach against it
and the best at hate are those who preach love
and the best at war finally are those who preach peace

those who preach god, need god
those who preach peace do not have peace
those who preach peace do not have love

beware the preachers
beware the knowers
beware those who are always reading books
beware those who either detest poverty
or are proud of it
beware those quick to praise
for they need praise in return
beware those who are quick to censor
they are afraid of what they do not know
beware those who seek constant crowds for
they are nothing alone
beware the average man the average woman
beware their love, their love is average
seeks average

but there is genius in their hatred
there is enough genius in their hatred to kill you
to kill anybody
not wanting solitude
not understanding solitude
they will attempt to destroy anything
that differs from their own
not being able to create art
they will not understand art
they will consider their failure as creators
only as a failure of the world
not being able to love fully
they will believe your love incomplete
and then they will hate you
and their hatred will be perfect

like a shining diamond
like a knife
like a mountain
like a tiger
like hemlock

their finest art

- Charles Bukowski

dOP- The Genius of the Crowd

whirls of fog

Today, two helpings of newer stuff, the first being a killer new track from the boys of dOP. They came onto the scene last year with their excellent Between the Blues EP, and have released three other records since, the most recent being The Lighthouse 12" on Orac. "Lighthouse" itself is a bit of a departure, with beats more akin to Afro-centric breaks than sexy French minimal. But flute harmonies, a lovely and echoey tenor main vocal, and wet production make for a jazzy track that whispers lustily in your ear rather than banging it to pieces. Quite honestly, I think these guys are among the most exciting new producers working right now. Highly recommended!

dOP- Lighthouse



Departing from the atmospheric greatness of dOP, we have an excellent tech-house remix of Fukkk Offf's electro hit of late 2007, "I'm a Freak." Bastian Heerhorst turns the track into something that could set fire to any dance-floor, with lush synths reminiscent of stuff on Systematic, driving kicks, and sampling that just kills. Not the most subtle track in the world, but definitely one made for slamming. On Coco Machete.

Fukkk Offf- I'm a Freak (Bastian Heerhorst Remix)

Tomorrow, a surprise...but I'm thinking something dubby.