top fourteen music boners of 2009

After a break in year-end lists in 2008, I am happy to present my top fourteen music boners of 2009. These are all singles (or singles culled from larger works) that appeared high on my iTunes Most Played list, or simply those I consider the most interesting music of the year. Some, if not most, have mp3s attached, except in cases where it seems a bit superfluous. So, on with it, and remember to SUPPORT THESE ARTISTS.



1. Teengirl Fantasy "Love Don't Live Here" (Dick Move)

I know, Logan and Nick from Teengirl Fantasy are good friends of mine, so it might seem a bit unfair to name this the track of the year. But you know what? Fuck being fair. This is the most played song on my iTunes, the most spun 12" from the past few months on my decks, and genuinely the piece that gets stuck in my head the most. From their first official show in Oberlin (which was awesome, by the way) to insane European tours and mentions in BUTT magazine (among others), these boys got it going on.

Teengirl Fantasy- Love Don't Live Here



2. All Leather "I Don't Hate Fags, God Does" (Dim Mak)

I posted the video of this track a while back. For some reason, I totally adore this band, and though people have laughed at me for it, I'm not really one to care that much. The lyrics (after a bit of deciphering) are totally bizarre, transgressive, sexy, anti-capitalist rants. And there's so much bile in Justin Pearson's screaming that listening to All Leather is sort of like someone throwing up in your ears. In a good way.

All Leather- I Don't Hate Fags, God Does



3. Ancient Methods "Else (Ugandan Methods Mix)" (Ancient Methods)

Another weird one. Intense, stripped-down techno with an industrial bent that just fucking slams. If you're ever up at six in the morning and want to stay awake, just turn off all of the lights and play this polyrhythmic, raw-as-hell filth until your ears bleed.

Ancient Methods- Else (Ugandan Methods Mix)



4. Culoe De Song "African Subway" (Innervisions)

The tech-house wunderkind of the year, Culoe De Song's first EP actually lived up to the hype. However, "African Subway" was pushed aside by "The Bright Forest," which seems a bit cloth-eared to me since this piece is more interesting rhythmically and melodically, as well as being infinitely more anthemic.

Culoe De Song- African Subway



5. Lusine "Two Dots" (Ghostly International)

If you aren't singing along with this track by its mid-point, there's something wrong with you.

Lusine- Two Dots



6. Jackpot "Night Flight" (Rvng)

The Scandinavians continued to bring the disco insanity this year, and this piece by Jackpot sounds like it could have come out of the golden age of Italo. All that it needs now are some ridiculous lyrics, and you'd have the perfect throwback, replete with bouncing bass and lush synth groovage.

Jackpot- Night Flight



7. Azari & III "She's An Illusion" (I'm A Cliche)

Another Italo-inspired piece that also has some serious debts to pay to Detroit. Though "Reckless With Your Love" and "Hungry for the Power" are a bit more my style of well-produced gay diva house, something about "She's An Illusion" is really special.

Azari & III- She's An Illusion



8. Girls "Lust for Life" (True Panther)

As I type this, I'm in an airplane 37,000 feet over Colorado. I'm listening to this song, and I already want to insist that they turn the plane back because leaving the Bay Area is something that feels good in theory, but in practice, kind of sucks shit (in the bad kind of way). This song IS California, as far as I'm concerned, and I can't wait to get back so I can cruise around Oakland on my bike blasting this like I have during the past few months. Check the NSFW video below, featuring a cast of Bay Area miscreant homos and gender-fucks, including Hunx and Alexis from SORE.







9. Hunx & His Punx "Hey Rocky" (True Panther)

True Panther is the best new(ish) label in the states, duh, and though the original single of this track came out in 2008 (I believe— correct me if I'm wrong), it is still the best track from the Gay Singles album: catchy, fun, hip-shaking, and sexy in that cute-boy-you-smile-at-on-the-BART kind of way.

Hunx & His Punx- Hey Rocky



10. Sugar & Gold "Slice Me Nice" (Antenna Farm)

Not an original, so maybe it shouldn't be on here, but it is so catchy and so much gayer than the original that I sort of fell in love with it. With a fuller, brighter sound, along with vocals that are considerably less creepy than those of schlag-crooner Manfred Alois Perilano, the track actually makes the connection between cake and sex work quite well. Hungry guys eating pies, ha.

Sugar & Gold- Slice Me Nice



11. dOP "Horny" (Eklo)

These guys are the best thing that happened to techno in the past five years. Live instrumentation, jazzy arrangements, great rhythmic energy, and a lyric playfulness that just kicks the shit out of most other dance music out there. I gave this track to my girl Alie, and a week later she texted me like, "HOLY SHIT "HORNY" IS THE KILLER SHIT." And I was like, "DAMN RIGHT. LISTEN TO DAT SHIT WHEN YR FUMBLING WITH HER BRA, GIRL."

dOP- Horny



12. Electrik Red "We Fuck You" (Def Jam)

It's confusing to me that Electrik Red haven't caught on with anyone except journalists and faggots (LOL big dif right) in the US. "We Fuck You" is like the sonic equivalent of this hot bitch in heels kicking the drunk, sexist Tucker Max clone so hard in the balls that he wishes he'd never been born. Only Tricky and The-Dream could have helped these ladies pull this shit off so well. (Because I'm scared as fuck of Def Jam, just peep the vid below).






13. Nima Gorji "Hopp Hopp" (Murmur

I'm a sucker for ethnic vocal samples in techno tracks. The fact that the peeps repped here are the Romany nomads of Europe and not the usual (though still awesome) South American street kids or African shamans makes it all the more interesting.'

Nima Gorji- Hopp Hopp



14. Bookworms "African Rhythms" (Solos)

People in real life and on the internet keep on talking about this track, and how it should be released on vinyl, and how it is just so effing deep. And yeah, it is. I never want it to end.

Bookworms- African Rhythms

So party through the new year with all this biz. It was a great year, and I'm hoping that excellent stuff just keeps coming!! Stay tuned for the 10 best remixed music boners of the year, cumming at ya on Monday.